This picture is [[weird]]\n\nit's like it's been drawn specifically for me\n\nthe artist has a [[website]]...\n\n<<set $define = 0>>

"It's really weird to think we'll be into girls at some point, huh?"\n\n"Dude, we already are into girls..."\n\nOh.\n\nOf course we are.\n\n[[back|one day]]

every night a [[prayer]]\n\nevery night a [[conversation]] \n\nno answer\n\nthe [[Lord]] works in mysterious ways

Our Father who art in heaven,\nhallowed be they name.\n\nThy kingdom come,\nthey will be done,\non earth as it is in heaven.\n\nGive us this day our daily bread,\nand forgive us our tresspasses,\nas we forgive those who tresspass against us.\n\nAnd lead us not into [[temptation]],\nbut deliver us from [[evil]].\n\n[[Amen|God]]

[[6th grade]]

who will consume me tonight?\n\nwhich [[lucky beast]] will taste my flesh?\n\n<<set $times = -2>>

ingredients begin to simmer\n\nflavors and smells combine and begin to overtake me, drawing me towards a state of drunkenness\n\nwarm and tingly\n\ngood\n\nbut don't forget what's [[most important]]

[[eyes closed]]\n\n[[cock in hand]]\n\n[[how will i die tonight?]]

[[9th grade]]

[[Doubts]]

familiar fantasies slowly lose [[effectiveness]]\n\nquickly, my deepest desires bubble forward\n\nto be perfect they must be [[imperfect]]

what is wrong with me?\n\n[[back|lucky beast]]

flimsy thing\n\nshitty leather chair\n\ntemporary of course\n\n[[back|ActualStart]]

the thought of touching it makes me gag\n<<set $shit = true>>\n\n[[back|imperfect]]\n

this is the feeling they talk about\n\nI realize now that one day came a long time ago for me, but it's different\n\ngirls don't make me feel this way\n\nboys don't make me feel this way\n\npeople don't make me feel this way\n\nsex doesn't make me feel this way\n\ni'm [[different]]

[[manufactured crushes]]\n\nhopefully one day will come [[soon]]

Why?\n\n[[What]] is there to hide?

[[7th grade]]

Temptation.\n\n[[back|prayer]]

i'm a normal being. sitting in a\n\nnormal\n\nleather\n\n[[chair]]\n\nnormal except for what's [[underneath|repressed desire]]

fantasies unfulfillable\n\n[[kill me]]\n\nswallow me, [[take me passively]]\n\nand do this not because i ask you\n\n\n[[dreaming]] of this is all i can do

it was simpler when we we didn't have to\n\n[[back|at first]]

[[depression]] \n\n[[No one]] to talk to\n\nexcept maybe [[God]]

i dont want to die but that's the point\n\n[[back|repressed desire]]

<<set $times = $times + 1>>\n\ni've died [[so many|lucky beast]] times\n\n<<if $times gte 0>>\nwolves\n<<endif>>\n<<if $times gte 1>>\nlions\n<<endif>>\n<<if $times gte 2>>\nsnakes\n<<endif>>\n<<if $times gte 3>>\ntigers\n<<endif>>\n<<if $times gte 4>>\nalligators\n<<endif>>\n<<if $times gte 5>>\nbears\n<<endif>>\n<<if $times gte 6>>\nwhales\n<<endif>>\n<<if $times gte 7>>\notters\n<<endif>>\n<<if $times gte 8>>\nbats \n<<endif>>\n<<if $times gte 9>>\ngoats \n<<endif>>\n<<if $times gte 10>>\nhorses\n<<endif>>\n<<if $times gte 11>>\ncows\n<<endif>>\n<<if $times gte 12>>\nbirds\n<<endif>>\n<<if $times gte 13>>\nrodents \n<<endif>>\n<<if $times gte 14>> \n[[nothing is shocking anymore]] \n<<endif>>

<<set $imagine = $imagine + 1>>\n\n<<if $imagine eq 1>>\ncan you [[imagine|horrible]] being eaten alive?\n<<endif>>\n<<if $imagine eq 2>>\ncan you imagine being eaten alive?\ncan you [[imagine|horrible]] being hand fed to a snake?\n<<endif>>\n<<if $imagine eq 3>>\ncan you imagine being eaten alive?\ncan you imagine being hand fed to a snake?\ncan you [[imagine|horrible]] being swallowed by your best friend?\n<<endif>>\n<<if $imagine eq 4>>\ncan you imagine being eaten alive?\ncan you imagine being hand fed to a snake?\ncan you imagine being swallowed by your best friend?\ncan you [[imagine|horrible]] a group of creatures laughing as you languish in their friend's gut, slowly melting away into nutritional sludge?\n<<endif>>\n<<if $imagine eq 5>>\ncan you imagine being eaten alive?\ncan you imagine being hand fed to a snake?\ncan you imagine being swallowed by your best friend?\ncan you imagine a group of creatures laughing as you languish in their friend's gut, slowly melting away into nutritional sludge?\n\nThese things are not so disturbing.\n<<endif>>\n\n[[back|nothing is shocking anymore]]

I Die Every Night

already waning\n\n[[back|how will i die tonight?]]

sexual but not sexual\n\n[[back|dreaming]]

[[10th grade]]

one day\n\nit has been one day for a long time\n\nwhy didn't anyone [[tell me]]?\n\n[[denial]]

<<set $define = $define + 1>>\nvore\n\ni don't recognize this word\n\n[[what is this word|website]]?\n\n<<if $define gte 2>>\na fetish related to the fantasy of being eaten alive or eating something alive\n\nfetish\n\n[[sexual]] \n<<endif>>\n\n\n

uncomfortable\n<<set $bad_smells = true>>\n\n[[back|imperfect]]\n

indescribably so\n\n[[back|nothing is shocking anymore]]

i do not like [[gore]]\n<<if $gore>>\nso i add some\n<<endif>>\ni do not like [[suffocation]]\n<<if $bad_smells>>\nso i add some\n<<endif>>\ni do not like [[shit]]\n<<if $shit>>\nso i add some\n<<endif>>\n\n<<if $gore and $bad_smells and $shit>>\n[[almost ready]]\n<<endif>>

it's important to be normal\n\nright?\n\n[[back|different]]

I've died\n\nonce [[again|ActualStart]] \n\nNot regretful of what I am, just of what I am not.

[[Questions]]

not [[normal]]\n\nmaybe i'll never be normal\n\nwhat does this [[mean]] for me?\n\n<<set $repeat = 0>>

grades fall\n\nparents are concerned\n\npeople ask me if I'm feeling ok\n\nwhat can I do except lie?\n\n[[back|not ever]]

I do not like Alice.\n\n[[back|Truth]]

killing me means nothing to you\n\n[[back|repressed desire]]

physical pain does nothing for me\n<<set $gore = true>>\n\n[[back|imperfect]]\n

you can always lie\n\n"Who in our class do you have a crush on?"\n\na crush...how do you tell?\n\nAlice has a good sense of humor, is that enough?\n\n"I like...[[Alice]]."\n\n[[back|denial]]

Evil.\n\n[[back|prayer]]

"[[Truth]] or [[dare]]?"

no\n\n[[back|manufactured crushes]]

one day they tell us we'll like girls\n\n[[girls]]\n\n[[one day]] this will happen to me...

People would look at me different\n\neven though\n\nI'm the same\n\n[[back|not ever]]

<<display ActualStart>>

google searches:\n\n"man-eating lion"\n"snake swallowing"\n"lion tamer comics"\n"dinosaurs eating people"\n\nthe door to my room opens and I try to [[hide]] my screen

this will never happen to me\n\n[[back|dreaming]]

[[8th grade]]

"Please God, let me be normal."\n\n"Please God, help me to blend in."\n\n"Please God, get rid of these feelings."\n\n"Please God, why did you make me like this?"\n\n"Please God, why would you make me like this?"\n\n"Please God, give me the desires of human being."\n\n"Please God."\n\n"Please."\n\n[[back|God]]

[[Rejection]]

nothing\n\n...\n\n\nat first everything was [[horrible]] and so everything was [[good]]\n\nat first it was different\n\n[[at first]]\n\n<<set $imagine = 0>>

This feels better, but still not good.\n\nDepressive bouts that mirror the tide.\n\n[[Release]]

RabidChipmunk

it makes me feel good\n\nthe scene it shows is perfect in a way i can't describe\n\n[[back|What]]

Repeat after me:\n<<set $repeat = $repeat + 1>>\n\n<<if $repeat eq 1>>\n[[I will never have a crush.|mean]]\n<<else>>\n<<if $repeat gte 2>>\nI will never have a crush.\nI will never have a crush.\n<<endif>>\n<<endif>>\n\n<<if $repeat eq 2>>\n[[I will never kiss another.|mean]]\n<<else>>\n<<if $repeat gte 3>>\nI will never kiss another.\nI will never kiss another.\n<<endif>>\n<<endif>>\n\n<<if $repeat eq 3>>\n[[I will never have sex.|mean]]\n<<else>>\n<<if $repeat gte 4>>\nI will never have sex.\nI will never have sex.\n<<endif>>\n<<endif>>\n\n<<if $repeat eq 4>>\n[[I will never have a family of my own.|mean]]\n<<else>>\n<<if $repeat gte 5>>\nI will never have a family of my own.\nI will never have a family of my own.\n<<endif>>\n<<endif>>\n \n<<if $repeat eq 5>>\n[[I will never experience love.|mean]] \n<<else>>\n<<if $repeat gte 6>>\nI will never experience love.\nI will never experience love.\n\n\n[[not ever]]\n<<endif>>\n<<endif>>