Sugarcane

It's an odd choice, but perhaps the exotic flavor of this will help show what Wackin's acid can do! <<set $Milk = "B">>\n\n\n[[Time to research Bacteria]]

You bring up the file on Sample #88... Aha! Goat milk from the Mediterranian region! Your cheese research from university springs back to memory - this will be soft and flavorful as a cheese. No way this doesn't turn out well... right?\n\n\n You can:\n\n[[Keep Sample #88 and move to Bacteria]]\n\nor\n\nReturn to [[Research the various and sundry milks]]

Hells yeah Organic Vegan Rennet! You are the friend to nature, hippies, hipsters and everyone trying to eat healthy alike. Obviously you'll lose some dollars on the conservatives side but that's never a bad thing, PR wise.\n\n (Hey, look at you understanding Public Relations. Maybe there's hope for you yet?) <<set $Ren = "O">>\n\n\nNow we [[THROW IT IN THE VAT!]]

One last chance. I know you're not that stupid. You have a name tag! A career, or at least the start of one! Think of your parent's disapproving glare!\n\n\n\n[[Screw my parents]] (not literally though) I want these!\n\nor\n\nReturn to [[Time to research Bacteria]]

The vat grumbles and churns as the Wackin' brand acid mixes and congeals with your ingredients.\n\n Just what did you put in there anyway?\n\n Suddenly, the vat explodes, a grey gasseous cloud enveloping everything in the vat room. A scientist presses an emergency button in the control room, hoping to seal off the vat room but it's too late, the gas has escaped and travels through the halls of the entire Wines, Ales, Cheeses and Napalm Inc. building. People run around frightened unless they collapse to the ground, groaning.\n\n You barely hold onto your conciousness before you see a previously knocked out Chuck start to stumble to his feet.\n\n "Chuck," you gasp, "You have to warn the people..." \n\n It's too late. Chuck's flesh starts to drop off his bones, as he shambles over to your prone form. The last thing you remember is his unnaturally strong hands lifting you up by your head, and his teeth sinking into your skull...\n\n\n You have caused the Zombie Apocalypse. Good Job!

The vat turns, churns and rumbles but seems relatively stable. Clearly the acid created by Wackin's crack research team is doing its job. Curds separate from whey in a surprisingly milky white concoction.\n\n "Quick! It's ready! Bring it to the cheese presses!!!" Chuck yells excitedly. You might have a winner on your hands!\n\n Unfortunately, pressed cheese wheels need to age, no matter what miracle acid they use to speed the process up. You are tasked, unthankfully, to watch over the wheels in case anyone tries to steal and reverse engineer the recipe.\n\n It takes days... weeks... before the wheels are aged enough to be ready. Day after day you take your shift in your comfy but confining chair, watching over still wheels of cheese and playing Temple Run on your Galaxy S XVIII phone. Sometimes, the monotony causes you to nod off, and who could blame you...\n\n Until you're violently shaken awake by Chuck.\n\n "A WHEEL IS GONE, WHY HAVE YOU BEEN SLEEPING???"\n\n OK, not the best way to have your boss notice you.\n\n Groggily you rise to your feet and try to run after a fleet footed Chuck, leaving the aging chamber only to be immediately tripped up, falling flat on your face. You turn around to figure out what caused you to fall only to sit up and back away, yelling...\n\n\n "Chuck.... CHUCK! GET OVER HERE!"\n\n Chuck about faces and runs towards your panicky voice. He stops dead in his tracks in surprise as you both face a perfectly aged wheel of cheese... with a face... staring at you both with contempt.\n\n "How. DARE you!" the wheel of cheese shrieks, "As the first sentient cheese I ask, nay DEMAND, an apology for the insult towards the first King of all Cheeses!"\n\n Dumbstruck, both you and Chuck try to stammer out an apology before the King of Cheese is suddenly knocked over... by another wheel of cheese.\n\n "King of cheeses my round wax-covered behind!" yells Cheese #2, who has yet to make any sort of claim to royal heritage. The two start grappling and throwing tiny cheese fists at each other as you and your boss stare on in total confusion. Cheese #2 lands a well placed right cross, taking a chunk of what would be the King's eyebrow and flinging it right onto the ground before your feet.\n\n\n Out of morbid curiosity you pop the bit of cheese in your mouth... it's delicious!\n\n "Chuck, get marketing on the phone, I think we have an idea to pass by them..."\n\n\n\n\n With the help of Wackin's marketing team, the UCFL is born: the Ultimate Cheese Fighting League. Hungry fans pack mini octagon's nationwide with tiny nets, hoping to catch bits of cheese knocked off each fighter. Souveneir cheese clippings from the cheese hair stylists are sold before and after each fight and you have accidentally created the latest, greatest combat sports league. Congratulations!

You've done it, you've landed the job of your dreams! Starting today you no longer a lowly intern at some simpleton test kitchen, you're the official Associate Assistant to the Head Fromagist Assistant! See? You even have a name tag and everything! Your parents would be so proud of you... if you didn't have that brother who saved 3000 people during the eruption of Mt. St. Helens in 2038. \n "Stupid volcano and it's hero-making lava," you mumble under your breath, just as you walk into your new place of employment: Wines, Ales, Cheeses and Napalm Testing Labs Inc. \n You meet the Head Fromagist - Chuck - and he fills you in on your first task. \n\n "Here at Wackin (that's short for Wines, Ales, Cheeses... oh you get the idea) we have designed a new acid compound, which could theoretically revolutionize the cheese making industry. It speeds up the curdling process 80,000% allowing you to get to pressing the curds into wheels in mere minutes. We need to come up with the best recipe to best display what this acid can do. Do some research, and bring me what you think would bring out the best in our new product!"\n\n Your mission: Find the best Milk, Bacteria and Rennet that will make your boss' bosses squeal with delight! Chuck leads you to the warehouse where all the ingredients are stored... starting with their large selection of milk.\n\n\n[[Research the various and sundry milks]]

You look up what Sample #3 is in the terminal. Huh. Yeah, wasn't aware that was even an option, were you?\n\n You have chosen Venezualan Beaver Milk.\n\n You can either:\n\n\n[[Keep Sample #3 and move onto Bacteria]]\n\nor\n\nReturn to [[Research the various and sundry milks]]

It's tasty, and doesn't seem too weird a choice for a foodstuff. This will work perfectly! <<set $Milk = "S">>\n\n[[Time to research Bacteria]]

The vat churns and grumbles audibly. Chuck starts pacing nervously.\n\n "We sort of have to knock this one out of the park, the funding has slowed down of late..." Chuck says.\n\n Without warning, the vat explodes vertically, the curds separating from the whey into tiny amourphous clumps. Everyone inside the vat room takes cover as whey and clumps of curds rain down upon all. \n\n As you wipe some whey from your eyes and gasp for air, you suddenly feel something solid yet juicy bounce into your mouth. The tastiness overrides any shock you have as you begin to chew... it's delicious.\n\n Chuck sees one leap towards him, and out of fear, he brings his hands up. Luckily he catches the clump in mid air. He opens his hands and peeks inside... and sees a tiny cheese-version of what looks like a beaver.\n\n "What the...?" \n\n Without warning, the beaver clump leaps into his mouth. Just like you he seems powerless to do anything but chew.\n\n "... DELIGHTFUL!"\n\n While somewhat annoying, everyone including the Board of Trustees seems pleased with the flavor, if not somewhat confused by the delivery method. A marketing executive furiously starts writing down ad ideas while occasionally opening his mouth to let a bit of Beaver Cheese leap in as a snack.\n\n It took a while for society to accept it, but within a year Beaver cheese is the best selling cheese related snack worldwide. You and Chuck quickly get promoted up to President and VP of Wackin' Inc. Congratulations!

The vat mixes and regurgitates gasses as the ingredients swirl around. Chuck mixes it with a large PVC spatula for reasons you're not exactly sure of. The Board of Directors looks on enraptured, wondering what their investments have created.\n\n Suddenly, Chuck stops stirring. Not by his choice.\n\n The spatula snaps in half suddenly, as a large gas-emitting arm rises from the vat. A bulbous head rises from the curds and whey. Shocked, a nearby janitor jabs at it with his mop, only to have it taken from him by the humanoid appearing from the vat.\n\n "Oh no," you recoil, having seen enough Troma films to know what comes next. Before the gasseous emissions can knock you out, a well timed strike to your temple from a mop puts you in dream land.\n\n Yep. Toxxie is kicking everyone's ass in the company, and you're going to be to blame. I don't think you'll be getting all the praise next Thanksgiving, bucko.

Chuck leaves you at a terminal facing a futuristic cooling cabinet with hundreds of different milks from different animals. Different breeds of cow, goat, sheep and even exotic animals that you didn't know could be milked are represented.\n\n The terminal even has options to dispense and sample the various milks, albeit blindly. A couple of hours pass, tasting and re-tasting samples until you start to get queasy and sick of the taste of milk. You think you have a good handle on the situation but can't seem to narrow the choice down from three different and distinctive flavors:\n\n\n\n[[Research Sample Milk #3]] ("A very mild yet exotic flavor")\n\n[[Research Sample Milk #42]] ("Rugged and powerful, but tasty")\n\n[[Research Sample Milk #88]] ("Smooth and easy to drink")

Sample #39... huh. It brings up a company web page. A web page for Supposedly Safeâ„¢ and their numerous products for various food making. Well, you don't know what bacterial culture it is, so you search for cheese making supplies and... huh.\n\n ... really?\n\n There is only one bacteria they sell: Supposedly Safe E.coli tablets. That can't be right. You tell the terminal to bring you a sample in hand. You get it, all professionally packaged up. Yep... it says right on the box. Supposedly Safe E.coli tablets. Sure to turn your cheese making night into something special. I bet.\n\n No way this is safe. No way.\n\n\n[[Keep the Supposedly Safe E.coli Tablets]]\n\nor\n\nReturn to [[Time to research Bacteria]]

You, Chuck, and his assistant who has never been mentioned until now walk into the vat room. Inside, a giant barrel drum sits, vibrating with the reactions of your ingrediants to Wackin's special acid. \n\n Immediately, a rumble shakes the very foundation of Wines, Ales, Cheeses and Napalm's building.\n\n\n "What in the hell is that???" You scream out loud, as a large, green menacing figure inexplicably rises out of the acid vat. \n\n Indeed, the vat breaks, as the mass created by your chemical reaction proves too much for it's confines. It rises up, breaking through the ceiling, through entire floors and rendering the entire headquarters to rubble. It screams out in a high pitched shriek, rearing up on it's lizard like hind legs, it's green scaly skin glistening in the moonlight.\n\n Congratulations. You've created Godzilla, and he is rampaging through your home town. I don't know how one can fail more spectacularly at cheese-making than that.\n\nCONGRATUATIONS. YUO FAIL~!

With your Milk in hand, you head over to the Bacteria cooler. While this cooler can hand out samples much like the milk cooler... er... you decide it's best to simply do research than sample the samples. Ick. Still, an hour into your research turns up three promising cultures:\n\n\n\n[[Take Bacteria Sample #15]] ("This produces a smooth and soft texture to the cheese")\n\n[[Take Bacteria Sample #22]] ("This creates a hard cheese with a sharp flavor")\n\n[[Take Bacteria Sample #39]] ("This bacteria is unusual for cheese but you'll find the results unique!")\n\n\n "Choose wisely," says Chuck, passing by to see your work, "Bacteria is the most sensitive aspect to Fromagery!"\n\n Pfft, you think, you did your time in Fromaging classes and got a solid B+! No way you'll screw this up!

Soylent rennet? What the hell is soylent? Is that like... baby soy beans? Hey, you love soy! Soy sauce, tofu, edamame... soy is sweet! Well, not really sweet. You guess it can be, if cooked in something sweet. Soy takes on the properties of what it's used in and hey that can only be good with cheese right?\n\n Soy! Sweet!\n\n\n[[Keep the Soylent rennet]]\n\nor\n\nReturn to [[Let's choose some Rennet!]]

ABPositive03

This will be great. Great and healthy. Healthy cheese! The marketing division will go nuts! Chuck will be very pleased. Maybe. You don't know, this is only your first day... <<set $Bac = "k">>\n\n\n[[Let's choose some Rennet!]]

Cheese that resonates with normal people and hipsters alike! What can go wrong?\n\n Well, a crap aftertaste but whatever. The people will think it's healthier that way. (No wonder you bombed out of your Marketing degree...)\n\n\n[[Keep the Organic Vegan Rennet]]\n\nor\n\nReturn to [[Let's choose some Rennet!]]

Awwwwww yeah! Soy rennet. The head honchos are going to LOVE you for this! <<set $Ren = "S">>\n\n\n\nNow time to [[THROW IT IN THE VAT!]]

Often, it's good and groundbreaking to go against the grain. But even with the "Next evolution of cheese" on the line, sometimes it's good to play it safe. <<set $Ren = "V">>\n\n\nNow we [[THROW IT IN THE VAT!]]

Non-red non-linen Red Linen Bacteria it is! You wonder a bit if this will make something like Hunter's Cheddar. That stuff is sick! Sick in that skater "it's good" style, not like you'll actually get sick. You hope. \n\n ... Sick. <<set $Bac = "r">>\n\n[[Let's choose some Rennet!]]

God damn you're stupid. I give up all hope for you. <<set $Bac = "e">>\n\n\n[[Let's choose some Rennet!]]

This sample is concentrated Kefir culture. Huh, that sounds familiar... oh yeah! When you got prescribed those weird antibiotics that nearly killed you, you drank Kefir milk to counter the effects! It was sweet, kinda tangy and yogurt-y. Is "Yogurty" even a word? If not, well it should be. Make a mental note to petition Merriam-Webster about this obvious travesty!\n\n Oh yeah, and you can take the Kefir. If you want.\n\n\n\n[[Keep the Kefir Bacteria]] and head over to the Rennet.\n\nor\n\nReturn to [[Time to research Bacteria]]

The vat hums with a high pitched yet pleasing hum.\n\n "It's humming," says Chuck, "that's odd. Cheese doesn't usually hum."\n\n Really, Chuck? I never would have guessed. \n\n The vat explodes in a burst of light, momentarily blinding all who are watching, including the Board of Trustees. You seem to be one of the first to shake off the effects, as before you stands a magnificent beast, not unlike a horse but with a large pointed cone shooting from it's forehead. It neighs and drips whey into rainbow-colored puddles. As you bring your head up from collapsing (you pansy) you notice some obviously un-whey-like drippings falling from it's underbelly.\n\n Somehow.\n\n Some way.\n\n You have helped give birth to the world's first unicorn. Even more amazingly, it seems to give milk.\n\n "SUBDUE IT!" you scream, "CALM IT AND GET THE MILK!"\n\n Before anyone realizes why, they help grab and calm and coo the unicorn to a holding chamber, where workers and interns try to puzzle out how one can milk a mythical beast.\n\n\n Weeks later, the Worldwide cheese comission hands over their Man of the Year award for having the wherewithal to successfully milk a unicorn, helping give birth to the most exquisite of cheeses: Unicorn Rainbow Cheese.\n\n The foodstuff becomes legendary, so tasty and robust that 12-step programs begin popping up to help people addicted to the Unicorn Cheese.\n\n You are both a hero, and creator of the world's first narcotic cheese. \n\n Yes. This is the "Good Ending" Congrats! :D

The Fromagist

Are you touched in the head?\n\n\n\n[[Yes, I want the E.coli tablets]]\n\nor\n\nReturn to [[Time to research Bacteria]]

Ha ha ha ha ha... that's funny.\n\n Oh. You're serious.\n\n No really, you shouldn't use these. They're only supposedly safe.\n\n\n\n\n[[Seriously, Keep the E.coli tablets]]\n\nor\n\nReturn to [[Time to research Bacteria]]

This is totally the one. Probably. Maybe. Could be. No, it totally is, you tell yourself. Definitely. Possibly. Eh, good enough! <<set $Milk = "G">>\n\n\n[[Time to research Bacteria]]

Chuck finds you as you saunter over to the Rennet repository, your milk and bacteria cultures in hand.\n\n "Ah, you're looking for rennet aren't you?" he asks rhetorically, "now rennet isn't something that affects flavor or firmness too much, but sometimes the wrong rennet gives off the wrong aftertaste to the cheese. I'd say if you want to try softer cheese, choose a vegetarian rennet. Sharper or harder cheeses usually do well with rennet sourced from a living thing. Some food for thought... heh heh ha ha ha ha... get it? Food. For thought! Right? Oh I slay me..."\n\n Chuck wanders off chuckling to himself, as if he's a great comedian. Little do you know he moonlights at comedy clubs during open mic nights. He usually doesn't do very well. At least he's persistent.\n\n There are very few choices on where the rennet is sourced from (and you suddenly have a hard time remembering what rennet actually IS anyway) but there's multiple different grades available of each type. Clearly, for a test piece, the highest grade is the one to use. But which type?\n\n\n\n[[Use the Organic Vegan rennet]] (high grade)\n\n[[Use the Veal rennet]] (high grade)\n\n[[Use the Soylent rennet]] (high grade)

Ahhhh good ol' fashioned baby cow rennet. It's what our forefathers and our forefather's forefathers and our forefather's forefather's forefathers used and dammit it's good enough for you!\n\n ... what's a forefather anyway?\n\n Still. It's safe, it's widely used, it can't screw it up. Why fight against perfection?\n\n\n[[Keep the Veal rennet]]\n\nor\n\nReturn to [[Let's choose some Rennet!]]

You open the terminal and look up the entry for Sample #42. So, this is sheep's milk huh? Not bad... it's from Sardinia which is, uh... well geography wasn't your best subject in school. But it sounds like sardines but tastes a hundred times better. Marketing would love that, right?\n\n You can:\n\n[[Keep Sample #42 and start to research Bacteria]]\n\nor\n\nReturn to [[Research the various and sundry milks]]

The terminal calls up Sample #22, called Red Bacteria Linens. Interesting, the petri dish looks nothing like the name. It's not red, and very much non-Linen-like. I guess it is Bacteria, so truth in advertising wins another round!\n You bet marketing could come up with something snazzy involving Red Linens and cheese. Besides, this should be hard and sharp and keeps forever - nothing sells like forever food.\n (This is why you bombed out of your initial University courses. Marketing isn't your gig, baby)\n\n You can:\n\n[[Keep the Red Linen Bacteria]]\n\nor\n\nReturn to [[Time to research Bacteria]]

Chuck is waiting for you nearby the acid vat.\n\n "Well done me lad," says Chuck, suddenly sporting a bad Scottish accent, "You've done it. You've mixed the perfect ingredients with the perfect cheese-acid to make the quickest, tastiest chese ever laid eyes upon! Shall we watch the magic being made?"\n\n Even though he asks you, you don't seem to have a choice as you're roughly hugged and dragged down a corridor...\n\n A computer screen with a nice, lovely, friendly looking approximation of a female face speaks to you over the PA system.\n\n "Congratulations Associate Assistant to the Head Fromagist's Assistant! You have finished your task. We have run ten thousand simulations on your suggestions and have worked out the likeliest results based on your suggestions."\n\n You gulp, as you were hoping for a less public forum for your work on your first day.\n\n Chuck takes your Milk from you.\n\n "Very cromulent choice," Chuck notes.\n\n What the hell does cromulent mean?\n\n Chuck takes your bacterial culture from you.\n\n "I'm not sure I would have picked that," Chuck says, clucking with his tongue.\n\n Chuck takes your rennet sample from you.\n\n "Interesting..." Chuck ponders...\n\n\n A screen lights up bright with a close but almost un-lifelike facsimilie of an adult human female's face hovering within it's center.\n\n "Thank you for your input," says the machine, "and your data has been processed. Please proceed to vat labeled <<print $Milk>> <<print $Bac>> <<print $Ren>> to see your results."\n\n\n Well then. Better proceed to vat <<print $Milk>> <<print $Bac>> <<print $Ren>> . Or you could be a metagamer and just see all the endings here. :P\n\n\n\n[[Vat BkO]]\n\n[[Vat BkV]]\n\n[[Vat BkS]]\n\n[[Vat BrO]]\n\n[[Vat BrV]]\n\n[[Vat BrS]]\n\n[[Vat BeO]]\n\n[[Vat BeV]]\n\n[[Vat BeS]]\n\n[[Vat SkO]]\n\n[[Vat SkV]]\n\n[[Vat SkS]]\n\n[[Vat SrO]]\n\n[[Vat SrV]]\n\n[[Vat SrS]]\n\n[[Vat SeO]] \n\n[[Vat SeV]]\n\n[[Vat SeS]]\n\n[[Vat GkO]]\n\n[[Vat GkV]]\n\n[[Vat GkS]]\n\n[[Vat GrO]]\n\n[[Vat GrV]]\n\n[[Vat GrS]]\n\n[[Vat GeO]]\n\n[[Vat GeV]]\n\n[[Vat GeS]]